AARP Vermont’s Sex Education Webinars for Seniors: A Comprehensive Guide to Empowered Aging
As attention-getters go, “Age is not a condom” is a pretty good hook when encouraging seniors to practice safe sex. That’s just one of the slogans aimed at Vermont’s golden-agers as part of a refresher course in getting it on when you’re getting on.
Spurred by a nationwide 2023 AARP survey that revealed increasing interest in sex among older Americans, AARP Vermont commissioned “Empowered Aging: Your Guide to Sexual Health, Modern Love, and Intimacy,” a monthlong February series of weekly sex ed webinars designed for seniors.
Old dogs, new tricks this is not: The series’ focus is better living through intimacy. The four webinars cover a variety of topics, including sexual myth busting, the ins and outs of online dating, and ways to spice up long-term relationships.
Laura McDonough, AARP Vermont’s associate state director of communication, said many seniors “don’t really know where to turn to for information about this stuff … By providing information about sex and aging, modern sexuality, and online dating, we’re hoping that we find that more people are combating social isolation, living more fulfilling lives and [are] just happier.”
The national AARP survey also showed an uptick in seniors who consider sex important to their quality of life. Nationwide, one in four adults over 50 is having weekly nooky, and one in six over 70. McDonough said those numbers were lower in Vermont, which has among the oldest populations in the country.
Myths and Mysteries of Sex and Aging: The First Webinar
Held on February 4, the first webinar, “Myths and Mysteries of Sex and Aging,” dealt with erroneous information about sex. It also covered rates of sexually transmitted disease and how to protect oneself, bodily changes, and taking charge of your personal sexual health.
Attendees expecting someone closer to the vintage of Dr. Ruth may have been surprised to log on and see host Jenna Emerson, a 35-year-old adjunct lecturer in sex education at the University of Vermont.
“My approach is positive sexuality — I don’t use an abstinence model,” she told her virtual audience. “I want people to have options and information that is important to me as a sex educator. But I also want the material to be practical and useful.”
Emerson, a California native, did a workshop a few years ago for AARP California on online dating — including a tutorial on how to use a cellphone. McDonough saw the session and invited Emerson to pitch a series for older Vermonters.
Most of Emerson’s 10 years in the field have been spent enlightening college students and dispensing condoms. “I ordered 45,000 for one year’s class,” she said.
Older folks are not her usual audience, so dealing in explicit terms with subjects such as masturbation and vaginal dryness could have been awkward. But Emerson projects a kind of sex-educator-next-door wholesomeness and went through the hourlong presentation very matter-of-factly with no wink-wink coyness or double meanings.
In an interview before the event, Emerson described the sexual shibboleths that have stuck with seniors. “First, that older adults are not interested in sex,” she said. “As a culture, we tend to desexualize older people or see them as asexual. But there are a lot of sexual people over the age of 55, over the age of 80.”
Another misunderstanding is that seniors don’t need to worry about safe sex because pregnancy is not a concern. “That’s a myth,” she said, noting that the over-55 age group has the highest rate of increase in sexually transmitted infections.
During the webinar, Emerson addressed the “use it or lose it” axiom as applied to having sex — the belief that if you are not sexually active for years you lose the ability to enjoy it. There is no sell-by or expiration date, she declared. While avoiding the “riding a bike” analogy, she acknowledged that sexual experience doesn’t always means success — erectile dysfunction and vaginal atrophy can afflict older adults.
Q&A: Addressing Seniors’ Concerns
She paused several times to respond to questions delivered anonymously through the chat feature — none of the attendees were on camera. The queries were hot and heavy right out of the box.
“What is the best way to pleasure oneself?” one attendee asked.
That question provoked some discussion about means and methods and eventually led to someone asking about a device called a “bump’n holder,” sometimes called the bump’n joystick. Emerson explained the device could be a pillow or a pole that one hugs, which has a hole to hold a dildo or vibrator.
Emerson has seen and heard a lot in her career but admitted later to have been caught off guard by a questioner asking: “What protection options are available for oral sex (fellatio)?”
“It was surprising to me, somebody asking about dental dams and oral sex,” she said, given that older people are generally less likely to use condoms during sex.
Among the other questions:
“Do men hate the feeling of condoms?”
“Flavored condoms?”
“Doesn’t talking about protection destroy the mood?”
“What does doubling up on condoms mean?”
Emerson’s side hustle is standup comedy, which may help shape her presentations, she said. But her real go-to resource for talking to aging baby boomers has been her mom, who is in her late sixties.
“She was my chief consultant,” Emerson said, adding that her mother is “passionate” about the subject of menopause, a condition that is too rarely talked about and often not very well treated.
Her conversations with her mother came in handy when an attendee asked about hormone replacement therapy, which has proven effective at managing menopause symptoms.
“People just assume that they have to go through this experience in their body when that’s not necessarily true,” she said. “People can be in pain and really uncomfortable, and they don’t have to be.” Emerson acknowledged that this subject was “a leap into the unknown” for her.
McDonough said 160 people registered for the first webinar and 91 showed up, including 30 Vermonters. The series is offered to all state AARP chapters.
“Navigating sexual health and wellness is important, and a lot of people aren’t comfortable talking about it,” McDonough said. “We’re trying to change that so that people can do so in safe and comfortable ways.” The final two webinars in the AARP Vermont series “Empowered Aging: Your Guide to Sexual Health, Modern Love, and Intimacy” are Tuesdays, February 18 and 25, at noon. Registration is free. Learn more at events.aarp.org.
